April 4, 2017
by Brooke Steemm, PhD, Psychologist
Guest post from MissPsychLife
MissPsychLife (AKA Dr. Brooke) is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice in Brisbane. She began her blog as a way of sharing her passion for psychology and the promotion of self-acceptance, self-growth, self-care and self-love in other people (as well as herself she says!). For more of Dr. Brooke’s awesome tips check out her Facebook or Instagram!
We all know the feeling. It has been several months since your last holiday, work is crazy, you feel exhausted every day, perhaps you’re staying up a few hours too late at night to get that extra episode of Game of Thrones in. You aren’t sleeping well because you keep thinking about that presentation you have at work in a few weeks time. Forget about the gym because seriously who has time for that? The dog hasn’t been walked for weeks, and heck- let’s just order a pizza tonight because who has the energy to cook when you are working such long hours and barely have time to scratch yourself?
Hello daily grind and hello road to burnout!
We have all experienced this. Winter is renowned for it when the days are much shorter and colder (yes colder- even in Brisbane. It’s all relative!!) and it doesn’t take long after returning from a holiday for this all to set back in again. Life is busy and it seems to just be getting busier by the minute.
It’s times like this that we might wish we were a yoga or meditation guru- those people who just seem to have their sh#t together and don’t ever get stressed! (I’m sure that’s not actually the case but it does seem that way sometimes when you are in yoga class staring at the instructor thinking “how is she always so Zen?”). But most of us don’t have our sh#t together, let’s face it. Overall, we do ok. But adulting can be hard and stressful and most of us don’t prioritize stress management and take time for ourselves nearly enough. I am guilty of this at times just as much as the next person. So….. How do we find that extra time in an already crazy busy life to look after ourselves?
“Self-care” is a term that is being used a lot on social media at the moment (Yay!) and I know it certainly comes up a lot in my work with clients too. But throwing the term around and actually applying it are two very different things…..So what is self-care and why should you even bother?
Some definitions suggest that self-care is any activity that is purposely enacted to improve or add to physical, psychological and social well-being. Vague I know……. and probably very much open to interpretation. One person might think going into work on a weekend to get more work done is “adding to their psychological well-being” while others (including me in most cases) would disagree and say it’s important to have time away from work. So ultimately, I think the term “self-care” should apply to anything that promotes and enhances the level of balance that we have in our lives.
Evidence suggests that when we spend time engaging in activities that are in line with our values balanced across multiple domains (work, social life, intimate relationships, spirituality, health and well-being etc.) that we tend to be more psychologically resilient. It’s no surprise really…. like most things in Psychology, it is just common sense. When we spend too much time at work, we feel blah…. When we don’t spend enough time at work and only focus on binge drinking on weekends and staying on the couch all day, we feel blah…. When we spend all our time doing for others and never doing for ourselves, we feel resentful and end up feeling blah. So, balance is the key.
I work with clients every day who have lost sight of balance and are now paying for it with depression, exhaustion, strained relationships, inability to continue working… And I have experienced first-hand what it’s like to be totally imbalanced and I certainly will never let myself get back there. When I was in my final years of Uni, I was already working as a psychologist 4.5 days per week. I would go to work from 8am until 5pm. I would do 45-minute bumper to bumper drive home. I would get home, cook dinner, have a very brief conversation with my partner of the time, and then head to the study to work on my doctoral thesis until the early hours of the morning. I’d then get some sleep…. If my mind would let me. Then I would be up again early the next day to do it all over again. I’m no superhero. I’m human. I needed 7 to 8 cups of coffee each day to cope. And by cope, I mean to just get by. Needless to say….. My body and mind suffered. I started needing more sick days. I lost too much weight (I can’t believe the photos when I look back on them! My arms were so thin even though I was still eating three meals a day). I had headaches nearly every day. My stomach was in knots. I was a bit of an emotional wreck…. and definitely not the most fun person to live with. My work suffered too. Thankfully I managed to still hold it together to treat my patients, but my paperwork was appalling. I fell behind which then made me even more stressed. I withdrew from friends and family because I was “too busy” for that. Overall, it was pretty miserable. But the scary thing is I didn’t really notice how imbalanced I was. It had become my normal. Thank God my boss pulled me aside one day and asked what was going on. She had noticed things were slipping and she was concerned.
So, after I submitted my thesis, I visited Thailand for three weeks, I ate, I slept, I relaxed, and I reflected. I knew a change was needed and that’s exactly what I did. I rearranged my work and got a different job so that my workload was less intense. I started spending more time with friends and family. I moved house closer to work and my social support network. But most importantly, I gave myself permission to slow down.
It took some time. I think about six months after I went to Thailand I was still having difficulty sleeping in on the weekends. I would wake up in a panic. My mind just didn’t want to slow down. But gradually, with more and more balance, things slowed down and I realized what it meant to be normal and balanced, and truly relaxed.
So, the moral of the story. Slow your asses down, balance your life out and take care of yourselves. It’s important. I’m just grateful I learnt this lesson early on in life, instead of having a breakdown in my 50’s when I would have run myself into the ground.
Here’s some tips for self-care that I often suggest to clients who are burnt out or lacking balance…. Remember. It’s ALWAYS better to be proactive rather than waiting until you are utterly exhausted. I can’t stress this enough. Doing small things towards your self-care regularly is what’s going to ensure you avoid the dreaded burnout.
Tips for self-care:
Now go forth and care for thy self. Let’s all get on board with self-care and try to do at least one small thing towards our self-care daily. I know I will be!
Dr Brooke @MissPsychLife xx