January 29, 2026
By: Camille Zolopa, Therapist and PhD Candidate
With the new year, you may be engaging in conversations regarding change. In fact, you may be sick of conversations about change, particularly when no behavioral shift seems to follow. Change is difficult for many reasons, and it’s important to approach change conversations with yourself and your loved ones from a place of compassion rather than criticism. After all, when considering a change in behavior, many people feel at least somewhat ambivalent (van Harreveld et al., 2015): they want to change, but they also don’t want to. Making a decision one way or the other can become a sticking place.
For example, let’s say I have a friend who wants to change her after-work habits from watching TV (or TikTok) to reading a book. Maybe I would naturally want to say to her, “Wow! Great idea! Think of all the benefits you’ll get from reading rather than watching. You’ll improve your attention span and your sleep quality! You’ll rest those tired eyes and learn something new. That screentime is rotting your brain!” Most likely, my friend has already had all these thoughts herself. So even though I’m trying to help, and feel as though I’m encouraging her, my repeating of arguments she’s already considered may awaken her ambivalence (Miller & Rollnick, 2012). I might receive responses along the lines of, “Sure, but I’m just so tired at the end of the day I want to turn my brain off” or, “I know, but I’ve already tried and the reading habit never lasts more than a week!”
This is where motivational interviewing comes in. Motivational interviewing is “a collaborative conversation style that can strengthen a person’s own motivation and commitment to change” (Miller & Rollnick, 2012, pg. 12). Rather than suggesting reasons that a behavior change will benefit someone or the ways that they might make that change happen, this conversation style scaffolds a person’s existing desire for change and the knowledge that they already have. Motivational interviewing has become quite popular in healthcare settings, in part due to its respect for people’s own values and goals, as well as its adaptability to their cultural contexts (Self et al., 2023). The originators of motivational interviewing suggest these questions to have a conversation about change (Miller & Rollnick, 2012):
With each question, it’s important to listen to your loved one with empathy, compassion, and respect for their autonomy. Hopefully, my friend will be happy to list the reasons she loves to read, and your friend, family member, coworker, fellow party attendee, or airplane seatmate will feel that while they are choosing their own path, you are right by their side. So, as we enter 2026, try out some of the questions and see where the year takes you!
Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2012). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change. Guilford press.
Self, K. J., Borsari, B., Ladd, B. O., Nicolas, G., Gibson, C. J., Jackson, K., & Manuel, J. K. (2023). Cultural adaptations of motivational interviewing: A systematic review. Psychological Services, 20(S1), 7.
van Harreveld, F., Nohlen, H. U., & Schneider, I. K. (2015). The ABC of ambivalence. In Advances in experimental social psychology. Elsevier. https://doi.org/10.1016/bs. aesp.2015.01.002
