HOME / OUR SERVICES / RESOURCES / BLOG / OUR PICKS PODCAST/ OUR TEAM / CONTACT

─ OUR PICKS ─


Tobeyimage

WANTED: REJECTION OPPORTUNITIES?!

In this inspiring and funny talk, Jia Jiang becomes my new hero and a fabulous poster-boy for exposure therapy. In large scale reviews of multiple research studies, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques, especially exposure-based approaches, were found to be highly efficacious in the treatment of anxiety disorders (Olatunji, Cisler, & Deacon, 2010). Exposure therapy is essentially about seeking out the thing that you're afraid of, instead of running away from it. Sounds freaky as hell because it is! But that's part of what's so therapeutic about it: you need to feel the fear without running from it to finally understand that the fear itself can't hurt you. And it certainly doesn't have to control you. In Jiang's case, when he confronted his fear of rejection directly, he learned some surprising things about himself and about other people too.

THE SECRET TO DESIRE IN A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP

Spoiler alert: it's not about chocolate or lingerie. Esther Perel is a veteran New York State licensed marriage and family therapist who travels the world to learn about "erotic intelligence" in modern love. In this talk, she shares some fascinating insights, arguing that in order to have good sex in long-term relationships, we have to find ways to reconcile conflicting needs: the comfort of security and familiarity VS. the thrill of adventure and novelty. Interestingly, recent neuro-imaging research (Diamond & Dickenson, 2012) suggests that romantic love and sexual desire even look different if we map them out in the brain, with each state activating different parts. Yet there might be a little common ground as some regions of the brain may light up in both states, suggesting that certain types of love and desire might be somewhat interconnected at times. Check out Perel's talk and start cultivating your own erotic intelligence!


jodies-picks.jpg

THE HAPPINESS TRAP

“Popular ideas about happiness will make you miserable if you hold on to them too tightly”. Dr. Russ Harris, a well-known proponent of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, has written a wonderful, relatable, easy-to-read book called The Happiness Trap, where he puts forward the argument that our expectations about what our lives “should” be like can be harmful for our psychological health.

He presents three “happiness myths” (also available in this this short YouTube video), namely:

  1. Happiness is the natural state for human beings.
  2. Happiness means feeling good.
  3. If you’re not happy, you’re defective.

Dr. Harris suggests that a rich, full and meaningful life involves making space for, and expecting, a range of emotions, and that “the reality is, if you’re not happy, you’re normal”. Life is often difficult, and even our most positive experiences (e.g., meaningful relationships), are associated with tension, anxiety, frustration, anger (etc, etc), in addition to the warm and joyful moments.

LET’S GIVE OUR YOUTH PERMISSION TO FAIL

“Am I good enough?” “Smart enough”?” “Attractive enough?” “Do people like me?” Pressure to achieve and to be valued starts young, and youth often report striving for success and recognition at school, with peers and in other activities. Achieving success (however it is measured) can be a way of building our self-esteem. However, striving for perfection can become a goal unto itself, where we can lose track of what is important and become consumed with the pressure to excel, to be valued, to be perfect. This pressure can lead to anxiety, and interfere with our ability to engage in the present moment, to be spontaneous, to play, to just beThis thought-provoking article encourages parents to reflect on the pressures experienced by youth to excel, and suggests that we re-engage with what’s most meaningful to us, rather than mindlessly (and sometimes frantically) striving to achieve, to thrive, to excel. I would argue that this article is just as relevant for adults!