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friendship

Community and Mental Health: Healthier and More Fulfilled Together

Community and Mental Health: Healthier and More Fulfilled Together

Photo by Helena Lopes from Pexels

Photo by Helena Lopes from Pexels

I never really thought much about community until recent years. I think I just took it for granted, or didn’t see it as that important. As I finished graduate school and decided to stay in Montreal despite my family being in another province, and many of my friends moved away, I started to think more about what it means to be part of a community. More recently, in my professional life as a psychologist, I’ve noticed that often clients express to me that they feel lonely, they wish they knew more like-minded people, and their lives lack purpose and meaning. All these factors, plus knowing that the need to belong is a powerful human motivator (1), lead me to be more interested in how community affects mental health and well-being.

It didn’t take much looking into the research to find out, not surprisingly, that a lack of social connection is bad for you. In fact, loneliness kills. If you’re lonely, you’re more likely to be depressed and anxious (2, 7), and you have an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, and early death (6, 5, 3). For more on this topic, check out: The Friend Effect: Why The Secret of Health and Happiness is Surprisingly Simple. Do we really need community though if we have some solid friendships? Being part of a community has the added benefit of allowing us to feel like we belong to and are accepted by a group, similar to how we ideally feel in our families, a sort of emotional or spiritual “home”. Additionally, often communities are centred on a goal (e.g. training for a marathon) or a cause (e.g., protecting the environment), which can give us a sense of purpose and meaning. Creating meaning in our lives is a key ingredient for a fulfilling life. We know that an important way to create meaning is to transcend ourselves by giving to and helping others or being part of something bigger than ourselves. Check out this article, There’s More to Life Than Being Happy, for why meaning is awesome.

Knowing that community and social connection are good, if not great, for our physical and mental health, what gets in the way of us prioritizing these things? I know what stops me - I feel like I don’t have time; I should be working, exercising, doing errands, etc; I really like being home with my partner and my cats; I’d rather just spend time with the people I already know; meeting new people takes effort and can be awkward; group activities and community organizations could mean having to deal with annoying group politics and dynamics, and who wants to deal with that?!

Thinking of the possible obstacles that get in the way of community building and nurturing social connection, I’ve made some (hopefully) simple and realistic suggestions below.

PRACTICAL TIPS!

1) Prioritize it. You probably ARE too busy to focus much on community building and nurturing social networks. In order to make time for community, it might mean doing less of something else, like working. I used to cringe at the idea of working less to attend a community BBQ, or a municipal council meeting, because being productive at work is important and feels so good! However, just like taking time to exercise ends up enriching your life, taking time for community will do the same, but you need to give it a chance to experience the positive consequences. You might even find that having more balance in your life, and surrounding yourself with new, different people, could breath new life into your work and get those creative juices flowing!

2) Build community at work. Work can be an ideal, convenient place to nurture community because, depending on the type of work you do, you may be spending a lot of time at work and you and your coworkers are often together in the same location. At the psychology clinic where I work, called Connecte, it is one of our goals to make Connecte not just a clinic but a community. Some things we’ve done to make it more of a community are to hire like-minded people who value supporting one another, as well as hold regular meetings and communicate frequently with each other. We even had a morning yoga group going for a while. Not only do we feel supported, but we inspire and motivate each other too.

3) Get to know your neighbours. I grew up in a small, rural community where most people knew each other and no one ever locked their doors. Unfortunately, this is not the reality in most towns or cities! Getting to know your neighbours is the first step to building community close to home. To get to know your neighbours, you might try organizing a neighbourhood potluck, gathering for warm drinks in the winter, offering your neighbours leftover food/baked goods, or simply smiling and saying hi when you pass them on the street or in the entranceway. For some great suggestions on building community in your neighbourhood, check out: 10 Ways to Create Community Where You Live.

4) Get to know not just your neighbours! Check out this ingenious idea for group storytelling dinners, Bring Your Own Story, which aims to bring anyone willing together to have meaningful conversations and share personal stories, in a safe, non-judgmental space.

5) Do group activities that will allow you to “kill two birds with one stone.” For example, if you have young kids, you might join a group that is both fun and enriching for your kids, and where you can meet other parents. Check out Flow Music Therapy’s Music for Mothers and Babies group or the Montreal Families website for a comprehensive list of groups and activities. You will likely not only meet like-minded people, and decrease feelings of isolation and loneliness, but you will feel good knowing you’re creating positive experiences for your kids and loved ones. You might try other types of groups that are in line with your values and interests, like a book club, or a walking or running group. For more ideas on how to create social connections as adults, check out my colleague Miriam’s blog post, How To Make Friends When You Don't Have Play Dates: The Importance Of Friendships In Adulthood.

An especially good activity to do with others is to eat dinner together. We know that eating together as a family is associated with a slew of positive benefits, like eating more nutritious meals and even fewer symptoms of depression (4)! (Learn more about this research here: Project EAT Publications.) To increase your chances of having dinner with friends and fitting it into your busy schedule, don’t be a perfectionist about it! Cook something simple, make it a potluck, or even order in.

6) Do a group activity that is centred on something that you find meaningful. As I mentioned above, we get meaning from helping others or being part of something larger than ourselves. I get a lot of meaning from protecting the environment and connecting with nature, and recently I was fortunate enough to get involved with a local gardening community, so now I’m learning all about gardening while being part of a wonderful community of like-minded people. Maybe there’s something similar in your neighbourhood that you could be a part of?

INTERPERSONAL TIPS!

As I mentioned above, sometimes we might hesitate to join or stick with a group activity or organization because we don’t want to deal with the interpersonal issues that will inevitably arise (e.g., differing perspectives/values, clashing personalities, etc.). I think I could probably write a whole other blog post on this topic, but here are some things that come to mind that I hope will be helpful in navigating group dynamics.

7) Know your boundaries. In any social situation, recognizing and asserting your limits, essentially making sure you’re taking care of yourself and your needs, will help you have more energy and compassion for others. If you notice yourself feeling resentful towards the group or others in the group, this may be an indication that you’re not respecting your own boundaries. Check out my colleague Danit’s blog post on setting boundaries.

8) Take others’ perspectives and embrace a compassionate mindset. Most of us have some challenges, hurt, or pain that we will sometimes act on, and act on in a way that is not the most constructive or pleasant for those around us. If we can take time to consider where others are coming from, what their situation is, or at least give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are trying their best with the tools they have, we will likely have more compassion for them. To help myself get into a compassionate mindset when considering others, I love this story introduced to me by Tara Brach, about how essentially when others are acting in ways that we perceive as unpleasant, annoying, etc., they likely have their leg caught in a trap!

9) Accept that we will all annoy each other. When spending a lot of time with any individual, we will likely get annoyed with them at some point. This is normal! And guess what? We will annoy others too. Yup, we will all annoy each other, and accepting this, while asserting our boundaries and having compassion, will likely make our group experiences more tolerable, positive, and conducive to personal growth.

10) Practice good listening! Good listening is the key to authentic, intimate connections. Nowadays, when it’s easy to pick up our phones and check the weather while our friend tells us a story, we might not be the best at listening. For more on this, check out my favourite video on good listening: Are You A Good Listener?

 

I hope these tips help you squeeze a bit more community into your lives so that your mind and body might reap the rewards. Happy community building!


Lisa Linardatos is a clinical psychologist in Westmount, Montreal, Quebec, at Connecte Montreal Psychology Group. The team at Connecte loves writing about ways to boost our mental health and bring psychology into our everyday lives. For more helpful tips, check out Connecte’s blogspodcast, follow @connectepsychology on Instagram or like us on Facebook.


REFERENCES

  1. Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological bulletin117(3), 497
  2. Cacioppo, J. T., Hawkley, L. C., & Thisted, R. A. (2010). Perceived social isolation makes me sad: Five-year cross-lagged analyses of loneliness and depressive symptomatology in the Chicago Health, Aging, and Social Relations Study. Psychology and Aging, 25, 453– 463.
  3. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality a meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science,10(2), 227-237.
  4. Neumark-Sztainer, D., Hannan, P. J., Story, M., Croll, J., & Perry, C. (2003). Family meal patterns: associations with sociodemographic characteristics and improved dietary intake among adolescents. Journal of the american dietetic association103(3), 317-322.
  5. Pinquart, M., & Duberstein, P. R. (2010). Associations of social networks with cancer mortality: a meta-analysis. Critical reviews in oncology/hematology75(2), 122-137.
  6. Valtorta, N. K., Kanaan, M., Gilbody, S., Ronzi, S., & Hanratty, B. (2016). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for coronary heart disease and stroke: systematic review and meta-analysis of longitudinal observational studies. Heart, heartjnl-2015.
  7. Zawadzki, M.J., Graham, J.E., & Gerin, W. (2013). Rumination and anxiety mediate the effect of loneliness on depressed mood and sleep quality in college students. Health Psychology, 32(2), 212–222.

How co-rumination turns healthy relationships toxic

How co-rumination turns healthy relationships toxic

Who do you turn to when you’re going through a challenge or difficult time? What do your conversations sound like? Do you know what you actually find helpful? And can you spot the difference between helping and hindering?

Research has shown time and time again just how important it is for us to feel socially connected to and supported by the people around us. In fact, what matters more than the number of friends we have, or even how realistic their advice may be, is that we feel as though we are supported. That is, that we are satisfied with our perception of the input or encouragement we receive. Yet not all forms of support are created equal. And sometimes, the line between helping and hindering can be blurred, especially when conversations veer towards venting.

As comforting as it may be to have someone to turn to when we need to vent or debrief, it can be a slippery slope towards co-rumination. It’s possible you’ve never come across the idea of co-rumination, but chances are you’re familiar with rumination. When going through a difficult time, it’s not uncommon to repeatedly mull over events that took place (as well as those that have yet to happen) and the things that were said (or not said). Sometimes this process can be helpful—it’s a way of thinking things through, weighing our options, and figuring out new, creative solutions. But it can also make us feel stuck and be less inclined to actually do anything constructive about the situation and our associated distress. The deeper we are in a cycle of rumination, the harder it can be to recognize it’s happening and dig our way out.

This process can be even more difficult to spot when it happens in the context of our closest relationships. Co-rumination involves repeatedly discussing and rehashing our problems and difficult feelings with someone else without coming up with a solution or resolution. The issue is, talking with a friend, partner, or family member about our problems can feel really good. It can make us feel supported, bring us closer together, and even trick us into believing we are doing something productive about our situation. In the long run, however, it can hold us back from moving forward and actually lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression.

How can you spot co-rumination?

1. Know the signs

A good place to start is to recognize the difference between sharing and ruminating. Disclosing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences is an important way to build closeness and trust in any relationship. But if you find yourself talking about the same experiences over and over again, particularly those that involve difficult emotions like anger, sadness, or envy, it can help to ask yourself the following questions to see if you’re caught in a cycle of co-rumination:

  • Is this a new problem?
  • Have I/we spoken about this before?
  • Am I speculating about things that have yet to happen?
  • Do I have any new information that I haven’t shared or discussed?

2. Learn your patterns

With time, it helps to become mindful about your own patterns as well as those that tend to develop within friendships. We each have our own sensitivities, vulnerabilities, and strengths. Certain topics are likely to get us going and specific people may just be easier to open up to. Take a closer look at your behavior and learn your own triggers—this can help you spot co-rumination if or when it starts to unfold.

  • Are there certain topics you tend to ruminate about (e.g., work, romantic relationships, family problems, financial worries, health concerns)?
  • Are you more likely to co-ruminate in certain settings (e.g., when chatting at home or on the phone, after a long day at work, after you’ve had a drink or two)?
  • Are there certain people or friends you tend to co-ruminate with?

3. Recruit close others

Even when we know the signs to look out for, it can still be difficult to catch ourselves in the act. That’s why it helps to recruit the people closest to us, especially those with whom we have a tendency to co-ruminate. Remind your friend or partner that you will always be there to listen to and support them, and that you appreciate all they have done for you. Let them know that you’ve noticed your tendency to co-ruminate together and ask them to gently point it out when they feel you’re veering towards rumination. These kinds of discussions also give you the chance to have a bigger conversation about the kinds of support you might find helpful and how you can be a better or more supportive friend or partner in return.

How can you move from co-rumination to collaboration?

1. Catch yourself co-ruminating and be compassionate

Often, simply becoming more aware of our behaviors and patterns can be enough to help us move from co-rumination to actual solution. The more you focus on recognizing co-rumination as it happens, the easier it’ll be to shift towards a problem-solving approach. Just make sure to be compassionate, both towards yourself and your friend or partner, when you do catch yourself in the act. Instead of judging yourself or being overly self-critical, treat it like a game and give yourself a pat on the back for getting so good at recognizing the difference between venting or ruminating and problem solving.

2. Weigh the short and long-term consequences

There’s usually a good reason why we do the things we do, even if our behaviors might seem illogical or even destructive from the outside looking in. That’s why it helps to validate why you may be tempted to co-ruminate, whether it’s to process difficult emotions or to feel that sense of closeness in your relationship. These benefits, however, do not take away from the reality that in the long run, co-rumination isn’t actually all that helpful for our sense of well-being or even the problem itself. Longer term, co-rumination can lead to anxiety and depression or exacerbate symptoms if we're already struggling. It also has the potential to drive certain people away, especially when a relationship is unbalanced and conversations tend to be overly focused on one person’s difficulties or life. Having a clear understanding of the reasons why you are working towards change is an important step in actually being able to do so.

3. Switch to active problem-solving

Ask yourself if there is something you can do to change or improve the situation right now. Can you actually do something to resolve the problem in some small way? Perhaps it involves having a frank discussion with a colleague to clear up a misunderstanding. Or maybe it’s apologizing for something you wished you hadn’t said to a partner in the heat of an argument. Often, taking a step towards actually doing something about the problem you’re facing can be much more helpful than venting, not to mention empowering. Of course, there are times when there will be little you can do to change your current situation or circumstances. In these cases, it can be helpful to reflect on what you would like to do differently in the future to prevent similar situations from happening or to cope with them when they do arise. 

4. Strengthen your other coping strategies

Trying to minimize your tendency to co-ruminate without coming up with other more constructive ways of coping will likely leave you feeling overwhelmed and even lonely. That’s why it’s equally important to find new ways to cope with whatever problem you are facing. Develop a sustainable self-care routine, work through the pros and cons of possible solutions, and turn to healthy distractions when all else fails. And don’t lose sight of how important it is to find new ways to feel connected in your relationships. Focus on having meaningful discussions, try a new activity together, share your dreams or team up to tackle a shared goal. Above all, work together to establish new ways to better support each other through the ups and downs that life inevitably throws your way.

5. Strike a balance

With all that said, there will still be times when all you really need is just the space to open up to a friend and let off some steam. Venting isn’t always counterproductive. It becomes an issue when it happens repeatedly, especially at the expense of other more constructive approaches. If you need to vent or support a friend who is doing so, go ahead! Just make sure you’re aware of how much space this is taking up in your conversations and relationship. If need be, work together to set limits so that your interactions aren’t entirely dominated by co-rumination. Finding a healthy balance will make your conversations that much more helpful and supportive, both in the immediate and longer term.

The original version of this post appeared on Miriam Kirmayer’s blog with Psychology Today, Casual to Close. Learn more about Miriam’s work on friendship here.


Miriam Kirmayer is a PhD Candidate in the Clinical Psychology program at McGill University in Montreal, Quebec, and a therapist at Connecte Montreal Psychology Group. The team at Connecte loves writing about ways to boost our mental health and bring psychology into our everyday lives. For more helpful tips, check out Connecte’s blogspodcast, follow @connectepsychology on Instagram or like us on Facebook.


References

Rose, A. J. (2002). Co–rumination in the friendships of girls and boys. Child development, 73(6), 1830-1843.

Calmes, C. A., & Roberts, J. E. (2008). Rumination in interpersonal relationships: Does co-rumination explain gender differences in emotional distress and relationship satisfaction among college students?. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 32(4), 577-590.

Rose, A. J., Carlson, W., & Waller, E. M. (2007). Prospective associations of co-rumination with friendship and emotional adjustment: considering the socioemotional trade-offs of co-rumination. Developmental psychology, 43(4), 1019.

Waller, E. M., & Rose, A. J. (2010). Adjustment trade-offs of co-rumination in mother–adolescent relationships. Journal of Adolescence, 33(3), 487-497.

How to make friends when you don't have play dates: The importance of friendships in adulthood

How to make friends when you don't have play dates: The importance of friendships in adulthood

We often hear about the importance of friendships for children’s development and well-being. For example, interactions with friends provide a key context in which children develop their social skills and moral reasoning (1,2). We also know that friends can help children do better in school (3), protect them from being bullied (4), and act as a buffer against symptoms of anxiety and depression (5). The good news is that, between play dates, school, camp, and extracurricular activities, youth are regularly surrounded by their peers and friendships are often formed naturally.

However, what happens as we age and life becomes increasingly complicated and busy? Once we leave school, launch our careers, and begin to invest more in our romantic relationships and families, friendships can sometimes take a backseat to other priorities and stressors. That being said, we are beginning to better understand the benefits of having good friends well into adulthood.

The importance of friends in adulthood

Just like they do in childhood and adolescence, having good friends can help adults lead happier and healthier lives (6). In addition to protecting against symptoms of depression and loneliness (7), friends provide emotional support, practical help, and problem-solving strategies (8) that help us cope with many of the stressful life events that occur in adulthood, including conflict with family members and partners (6). Additionally, because friendships are voluntary, and friends willingly choose to connect with and support one another on an ongoing basis, friendships are a powerful form of validation that can help individuals to feel valued and loved.

The paradox is that although friends can help us cope with life’s ups and downs, the busyness and structure of adulthood does not always allow us to make new friends, let alone invest in the friendships we already have. Moreover, given that changes in friendship networks are normal, it is unsurprising that, at some point or another, many adults may find themselves wanting to expand their social circle.

For many, the thoughts and feelings associated with making new friends as an adult can be anxiety producing or, at the very least, confusing. Unlike childhood, there isn’t necessarily a structure in place to facilitate friendship-making, nor are there clear-cut rules for how to go about making friends in adulthood. As a result, questions about the best way to go about making friends as an adult (e.g., What should I say? What if they don’t like me?) are bound to arise. One of the most frequent questions, however, is Where do I find new friends?

Where to find new friends in adulthood

As a starting point, it is always a good idea to use your existing social network. Take inventory of the people you enjoy spending time with (e.g., friends, cousins, co-workers) and see if you they can introduce you to anyone. If being explicit about your desire to make new friends is a bit daunting, why not suggest a group activity and ask them to bring along a few of their other friends?

After you have exhausted your existing social network, it is time to step outside of your comfort zone. The best way to do this is to identify activities that you would like to engage in and, ideally, share with a friend. Typically, the root of friendship is an underlying similarity with respect to one’s interests and values (9).

A great way to meet people is to sign up for an activity or class that you have been wanting to try. Whether it is a cooking class, book club, or running group, trying a new activity will allow you to meet people with similar interests while having fun! Here are some specific suggestions about where to find social activities:

  • Sign up for an activity related to your current life stage (e.g., parenthood, retirement). Often times, going through a meaningful, challenging, or exciting transition with someone can facilitate the closeness and intimacy that exist in friendships.
  • Explore activities that are available in your neighborhood. These are often advertised in local newspapers, shops, or online. This is a great option when you are looking to make friends, since living near each other makes it easier to maintain a friendship over time.
  • Volunteering is another great way to meet people while giving back to your community or a cause you are passionate about. Locally, the Volunteer Bureau of Montreal has a fantastic website where you can search for organizations looking for volunteers by neighborhood, type of activity, or population.
  • Online communities or apps can also help you expand your social circle. Meet up is a useful website where you can sign up to attend local events catering to a wide variety of interests (e.g., fitness, hiking, dance, languages, photography). There are even groups specifically created for people looking to make new friends! For those who are tech-savvy, apps also exist to help you connect with others much like the way you would in online dating. Women in mind is a local resource devoted to connecting women with each other that we recently featured on our Facebook page. Bumble BFF, MeetMe, and Girlfriend Social are other options as well.

Putting in the effort

Finally, what happens when you are ready to initiate a friendship with someone? It is really common to assume that friendships just happen or develop automatically, but that isn’t always the case. Relationships, including friendships, take work. The best way to approach making friends is to remember that this is a process. Start small, by greeting a familiar face, and build from there. Although there is no one-size-fits-all approach to successfully making friends as an adult, thinking about what we look for in our friends will help guide your behaviour.

First, friends often share important or personal information with each other. This process of self-disclosure is how we build intimacy and trust in our relationships. That being said, when you are pursuing a new friendship, you don't want to go overboard and spill your deepest, darkest, secrets right away. Start small by sharing stories or insight into your thoughts and feelings when appropriate and make sure to show an interest in the other person.

Next, find opportunities to do things together. One of the main ways friends connect with each other is through shared activities and experiences. If there are opportunities to work together during an activity, go for it! You can also suggest getting together for an activity you think you will both enjoy (e.g., going to see the movie about the book you have been reading). If you aren’t comfortable asking someone to spend time with you one-on-one, why not make it a group outing and invite others?

From there, it is important to remember that we expect our friends to be reliable and trustworthy. An important way to show others that they can count on you is to be true to your word and follow through on any promises made. If you say that you will call or offer to arrange plans, make sure you do so!

Finally, positive friendships are characterized by reciprocity or sharing. Although good friends don't always keep such an explicit score count, making sure you are both putting equal effort into the friendship and providing support to one another are important ways of establishing balance in the friendship.

A few final tips…

If you have tried to seek out new opportunities and are still having trouble making friends, here are a few things to keep in mind:

  • Pay attention to how you interpret rejection. If you automatically assume others do not like you, you will likely end up feeling down and will be less inclined to put yourself out there in the future. Instead, try to come up with alternative interpretations – Is it possible they had another reason for saying no?
  • If you are still having trouble, use the resources at your disposal. There are some great books out there (10) and individual or group therapy can help you feel more comfortable approaching others and asserting yourself.

Above all, be kind to yourself. Remember, this process is difficult for a lot of people and it takes time to develop trust and intimacy in all relationships. Success should not be defined by the number of new friends you make, but rather by the meaningful interactions you have, the quality of the friendships you form, and your willingness to put yourself out there. Even though it can be daunting, it is so worth it. It is never too late to make friends – So go ahead and set up your very own play date. 


Miriam Kirmayer is a PhD Candidate in the Clinical Psychology program at McGill University in Montreal, Quebec, and a therapist at Connecte Montreal Psychology Group. The team at Connecte loves writing about ways to boost our mental health and bring psychology into our everyday lives. For more helpful tips, check out Connecte’s blogspodcast, follow @connectepsychology on Instagram or @ConnecteMTL on Twitter, or like us on Facebook.



References

1. Bukowski, William M., Andrew F. Newcomb, and Willard W. Hartup. The company they keep: Friendships in childhood and adolescence. Cambridge University Press, 1998.

2. Barry, C. M., & Wentzel, K. R. (2006). Friend influence on prosocial behavior: The role of motivational factors and friendship characteristics. Developmental psychology, 42, 153.

3. Wentzel, K. R., Barry, C. M., & Caldwell, K. A. (2004). Friendships in Middle School: Influences on Motivation and School Adjustment. Journal of Educational Psychology, 96, 195.

4. Hodges, E. V., Boivin, M., Vitaro, F., & Bukowski, W. M. (1999). The power of friendship: protection against an escalating cycle of peer victimization. Developmental Psychology, 35, 94.

5. Bukowski, W. M., Laursen, B., & Hoza, B. (2010). The snowball effect: Friendship moderates escalations in depressed affect among avoidant and excluded children. Development and psychopathology, 22, 749-757. 

6. Walen, H. R., & Lachman, M. E. (2000). Social support and strain from partner, family, and friends: Costs and benefits for men and women in adulthood. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17, 5-30.

7. Carmichael, C. L., Reis, H. T., & Duberstein, P. R. (2015). In your 20s it’s quantity, in your 30s it’s quality: The prognostic value of social activity across 30 years of adulthood. Psychology and aging, 30, 95-105. doi:10.1037/pag0000014

8. Strough, J., McFall, J. P., Flinn, J. A., & Schuller, K. L. (2008). Collaborative everyday problem solving among same-gender friends in early and later adulthood. Psychology and aging, 23, 517. 

9. McPherson, M., Smith-Lovin, L., & Cook, J. M. (2001). Birds of a feather: Homophily in social networks. Annual review of sociology, 415-444.

10. Demarais, A., & White, V. (2007). First impressions: What you don't know about how others see you. Bantam.