In my July Blog post, I referred to what happens when certain personality traits are too high or too low, causing life difficulties. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is one psychological diagnosis or label that mental health care professionals and clinicians use to describe a specific pattern of problems. Typically, this pattern involves intense, chaotic relationships with both the self and others. Even though some of the traits involved are amplified versions of normal personality traits, many people with BPD will experience problems that are serious, and that most people never experience (Paris, 2017). Although there are some commonalities and a general pattern, individuals with BPD do not all have the same problems or experiences.
Let’s think of Jessica for example. She was recently diagnosed with BPD. She’s always felt something was “off”. She suspected early in life that she wasn’t feeling the way others around her felt: her emotions have always been so intense, it was as though she was walking around with no skin. She’s noticed she reacts impulsively to these intense feelings, which change from one moment to another. One moment she can be thrilled, the next, filled with sadness or rage. Along with these strong emotions is also an emptiness inside that she’s not sure how to describe to others.
Sometimes she feels her life is not real and asks herself “what’s the point?”. She often thinks of suicide, wondering if it’s the only way to stop her suffering. She’s even attempted to end her life a few times by taking pills, with mixed feelings when hospitalized and treated for these overdoses. She questions who she is, often feeling like a bad person who isn’t worthy of love. When she gets into a relationship, she’s afraid the person will leave and looks for ways to prevent this, or to have her partner reassure her that they won’t. Eventually, the ups and downs and efforts to avoid being broken up with cause a lot of stress in the relationship and it ends.
Jessica has received many diagnoses by health professionals in the past, including Generalized Anxiety, Depression, Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder, and Bipolar Disorder. She has tried therapy numerous times and felt frustrated because nothing seemed to “stick”. Recently, a new psychiatrist she was seeing diagnosed her with BPD.
Receiving a BPD diagnosis
It’s important to remember that a diagnosis, especially one of BPD, is not an identity: it describes a cluster of problems in someone’s life—what’s not working for them. Receiving the BPD diagnosis can be the key to getting the right help. When Jessica first got diagnosed, she went home and looked it up online. She was angered to find that much of what she was reading suggested there is something wrong with her personality and that she would be “difficult to treat”. She felt ashamed and angry with her psychiatrist, who she had no intention to return to see. She felt as though another health professional had let her down.
Despite this, she also felt some relief that she could make sense of what’s been going on, and eventually decided she would go for another visit to ask a few questions. Although she was hesitant, she told her psychiatrist how angry she was and was surprised that this led to a conversation during which she felt understood and even hopeful about the future.
Jessica learned that this diagnosis would allow her to get more specialized help, and together she and her psychiatrist came up with a plan. With treatment that fits (and some patience), Jessica can go from being diagnosed with BPD to no longer meeting any of the criteria and leading a more satisfying life. It’s also important to remember that when the label no longer describes someone’s current problems, it no longer applies.
Unfortunately, because of stigma around BPD, many people are reluctant to accept or disclose their diagnosis, which can get in the way of receiving appropriate help.
Why the stigma?
Compared to other disorders, BPD is a fairly new diagnosis, with treatments having only been developed in recent decades. There are times individuals with BPD feel like their experience is unbearable. Their symptoms often reflect the intensity of their distress; When Jessica went to see the psychiatrist, she had cut herself badly and said she wanted to give up on life. Although her psychiatrist identified her diagnosis, some health care professionals may not recognize BPD or know how to help, leaving all parties feeling frustrated. In fact, people with BPD are often not diagnosed or treated at all. Sometimes, they are offered treatments that do not fit their problems. Since intense emotions are part of the experience, speaking about what’s most painful with a health care professional, who is often a stranger, can be quite challenging.
It is not surprising that there would be friction between someone consulting for a situation that feels urgent and impossible, and a health care professional who isn’t sure how to help. Sometimes, the clinician may themselves react unfavourably when feeling unsure or helpless. As you can imagine, these reactions would not be well-received by someone in distress who already feels let down.
In fact, it is likely that someone seeking help for these symptoms has already had many frustrating experiences in the health care system. As a result, they might express anger (even rage) or withdraw from treatment, which in turn might lead to the clinician distancing themselves even more. This can become a continuous self-fulfilling cycle and can help explain some of the frustrations that people with BPD as well as clinicians face (Aviram, Brodsky & Stanley, 2006). Unfortunately, cycles like this one perpetuate the stigma and contribute to a reluctance toward both pursuing treatment (on the part of those seeking help) and providing treatment (on the part of clinicians).
Maybe you relate with parts of (or all of) Jessica’s experience, and you’ve experienced these frustrations yourself. If you’ve been feeling helpless, hopeless, and chaotic on the inside (and maybe outside too), or like no diagnosis has made sense so far: Remember there is the right kind of help out there—help you can use to help yourself.
What to do if you think you might have BPD and want to consult:
1- Take a deep breath. Remember these are words to describe problems you are experiencing, and that having these words means you can communicate to get the help you need.
2- Look for someone who is qualified to assess and work with personality in therapy, or ask for a referral to someone who does. You can look online, or ask your GP or most health care professionals.
3- Be prepared to speak with someone by taking note of what’s most important to share about what you are experiencing.
4- When meeting a health care professional, observe whether you are feeling intense emotions, and challenge yourself to be open—to stick around and share your experience as best as you can, even if lots of uncomfortable emotions rise to the surface. Ask yourself: how can I help this person help me? Sharing your difficulties and what you are looking to work on are some ways to collaborate.
5- Give the person time to get to know you and figure out how to help. They may not know right away.
Don’t give up on getting the help you’re looking for. Sometimes, it takes meeting with a few different professionals before you feel you’re on the right track.
Danit Nitka received her PhD from the Clinical and Research Psychology program at Concordia University in Montreal, Quebec, and is a therapist at Connecte Montreal Psychology Group. The team at Connecte loves writing about ways to boost our mental health and bring psychology into our everyday lives. For more helpful tips, check out Connecte’s blogs, podcast, follow @connectepsychology on Instagram or like us on Facebook.
Aviram, R. B., Brodsky, B. S., & Stanley, B. (2006). Borderline personality disorder, stigma, and treatment implications. Harvard review of psychiatry, 14(5), 249-256.
Paris, J. (2017). Stepped care for borderline personality disorder: making treatment brief, effective, and accessible. Academic Press.